Pro-tip for people doing Hansa-Park on public transport (as of 2016) - Deutsche Bahn does “Hansa-Park Kombi-Tickets” from anywhere in Schleswig-Holstein for €49 plus €25 for each additional person up to 5. Great deal - you can get a group of 5 from Hamburg to, from and into the park for €30 each! The guy at the Hamburg station info desk didn’t seem to know anything about them though (not like it’s on the DB website or anything) so had to trust that my German skills hadn’t missed any important catches (I didn’t have any train tickets checked in the end anyway). The journey was almost identical to the day before. Double decker train out of Hamburg, one change onto a smaller train, then a ten minute walk to the park.

The woman on my train ticket wallet looks really fed up with the guy’s smugness

Hansa welcomes you in the most German way possible…

BIG CASTLE!

Not content with hanging around, it was straight over to Der Schwur des Kärnan. The queue is slow (though for a reason), so it took an hour to get through the whole thing. Hansa help out with an impressive series of queueline documentary videos featuring some historical reenactment and Swedish historians. There must be a good half-hour of this stuff.

Atmospheric

So, what about the ride itself?

Yes!

YEESSS!

YEEEEESSSSSSS!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

OK, the queue was tedious, but absolutely worth it in the end. Without giving too much away, the indoor queue/preshow builds up the tension fabulously, so I was beaming before I even got on a train. I’d managed to avoid construction so had no idea what was inside. Does the outdoor section disappoint? Not in the slightest! It throws the rider around, dives in and out of itself, delivers airtime and fast close-to-the-ground action and when it hits the brakes, it’s not even over! Easily my number one so far.

Comment on spoilers…

Everything else should’ve been a disappointment, but Hansa crams effort into almost every ride. The best showcase for this attitude is their simple kiddie cred…

Just a tiny little kiddie cred

Die Schlange von Midgard (The snake of Midgard) has a themed queue and station, a queueline video featuring some fab ancient Norse drama, a preshow element and smoke projection effects. It’s still a simple kiddie-cred, but it’s amazing. The effort put into this small ride is what defines the whole park to me.

There’s also a wild mine train… disappointingly uncomfortable.

Casual banner fly-by

Next up, Nessie the Schwarzkopf looper. Not the best of the ones I’ve done, but perfectly acceptable.

Gross free-for-all station

And then, the other Gerstlauer - Fluch von Novgorod.

Spoilers: I went on the observation tower

Station man does jazz hands!

Had this ride been at any other park, it could accumulate enough saliva to run a small water works, but unfortunately it lives under the shadow of my new number one. The indoor launch was surprisingly strong, followed by a great airtime hill. Unfortunately, it runs into standard Gerstlauer lumpiness until the Eurofighter segment. Putting a ride indoors is always a way to get me to love it, so the indoor section is likely what put it up to number 2 on my list (for the moment) for that “fast and out-of-control” feeling. The corridor out of the ride is a welcome surprise. Clearly they started with “the station’s here but we need to go all the way over here,” and instead of making a boring corridor, played around with mazes and slides and everything.

Finally, I grabbed the mine train cred, which is a long circuit but not entirely exciting. Why wasn’t it exciting?

Ah, it’s a Vekoma

Lunch was a faff. I found a place doing turkey skewers, but must have spend a good twenty minutes queueing for it. Not a patch on Blackpool’s “all noodles must be made individually and fresh” queue, but still enough to put a dampener on things. All creds done, so I headed to the observation tower.

Oh yeah, this is a seaside park

One reride on Fluch later, it was getting late. I took a brief trip via the scenic route to the water ride. Foxes <3

This would be so much fun with other CFers

This guy was painting scenery in the main square.

I agree

I spy a fab Gerstlauer

It’s like Storm Surge but good

I was seated next to a very overenthusiastic German guy who I didn’t understand. He was trying to get me to join in with his overenthusiasm. I don’t think it worked.

What other way to finish the day than to go back to do a reride on Kärnan - still amazing.

Back to the hostel after a great day. Hansa Park doesn’t have the scale or natural beauty of Heide, but it puts so much effort into their rides, that it’s impossible to dislike. You don’t feel pressured into buying stuff save for the occasional exit-through-the-gift-shop. Even their main gift shop is sedate: I bought a T shirt and a mug because I didn’t feel pressured to buy anything - see how this works, Merlin?

So big thumbs up to Hansa-Park. Tomorrow, we leave Germany behind and take on Copenhagen and we ride a train… which is also a ferry.

Spoilers be down here

The reverse freefall caught me a little by surprise, but I cottened on to something going on when it was taking an age waiting at the top of the lift hill. If there’s one massive downside to this, it’s that it hampers the throughput completely, which seems to be a general problem at Hansa. I’m sure it would get old fast, but the spinny-lights room was amusing for pick your seat. Makes you feel like “you are the chosen ones.”