Bobbejaanland was not originally penned, but I managed to find room in the schedule after moving Phantasialand to the end of the trip. I sidled quietly out of my dorm to go and eat breakfast in the world’s most empty hostel breakfast hall.

I was literally the only person here - also more grey boxes

Rule number one of breakfast in Belelux: never pass up the opportunity to make hagelslag

Bobbejaanland is reachable via a half-hourly free bus from Herentals railway station. I opted for the “stupidly early” option since I had a night train (more later) to catch and bags to deal wth. There’s always an awkward moment when you realise they’re doing security bag checks and I’ve got a rucksack with 12 days worth of clothes.

Bobbejaanland was founded by Bobbejaan Schoepen, a Flemish singer. Learned from Wikipedia and not from the park itself

Half price entry with my Super Duper Plopsa Fun Card! First things first, I needed a locker. Turns out I had to speak to somebody at the candy shop

🎵 I’ll take you to the… 🎵

I had the storage option of “small” or “large,” where small meant a plastic box behind the counter. My bags wouldn’t fit, so I paid €8 for a large locker.

Pictured: one large locker

But who cares about lockers, this is a theme park, so here’s some ride reviews.

Typhoon: I don’t mind Gerstlauer roughness, but this doesn’t offer much else. Most Eurofighters are at their best when the inversions are snappy and tight, but this makes most of its layout from slow rolls. The first drop is great as usual though

Bob Express: Lengthy and adventurous, but ultimately not a particularly exciting mine train

Coasters over water are always welcome

Speedy Bob: A wild mouse. I got on a train with a Belgian guy shouting random things like “OKAAAY,” “YEEHAAAAWW,” and something in Flemish that sounded like “I LIKE THE CAT” (any Dutch speakers know?). I’m talking about him because all I wrote in my notebook was “meh”

Oh yeah, also my 250th cred. Whoops

Oki Doki: A clown themed coaster that looks boring and tame, but is surprisingly forceful.

This ride is Oki d-okay

At this point, I’ve noticed that Bobbijobbi like their film music, including Chicken Run, The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and Back to the Future. Studio lawyers avert your ears.

They have some other rides, so I sampled their indoor log flume

I don’t remember Indiana having Aztec pyramids

All byyyy myyyseeeelf

This was actually really fun. Some nice effects and good enveloping scenery. Would recommend!

Dream Catcher: An Arrow suspended coaster. Apparently used to be plane themed, but like Vampire, had the bucket trains replaced with the open trains. I remember spending the ride wondering what would happen if a cabin just detached. Would the restraints open? Would the car float? Oh look, the ride’s over. Wasn’t that exciting.

Dream Catcher was on one train - catching your dreams of fast queues

Seriously, lakes will make you forget the lacklustre

Revolution/Mount Mara: The first sign you get that this is going to be unorthodox is when you get to the station and take a first look at the train

WTF

The front half of the train was under the curse of VR, but that didn’t matter as I’d accidentally walked into the regular queue anyway (follow the signs for “Revolution”). I am so glad this is a thing. You’ve got a rave spiral lift hill around an empty atrium with trippy ceiling projections and some kind of monster pit on the ground. The train thunders downhill around the outside, progressively picking up speed and diving through scenery, before circling the floor. This is one of those indoor coasters where the close proximity really helps the feeling of flying at high speed. 7/10, did a reride later.

Next surprise of the trip, Forbidden Caves. Sometimes the best way to do a park is to just walk into things I have no idea about.

Theme park tour companies are always so irresponsible just letting randomers walk into forbidden caves

Definitely do this if you’re just here for the cred run. If anybody’s done Chessington’s Halloween mazes, the first half has lots of overenthusiastic hamming from the “lead cave explorer” (in Flemish of course).

To finish, a 3D simulator. Part of me felt a little let down by that, but the ride itself was pretty fun, and having a wraparound screen always helps with immersion. Solid ride, would do again!

Statue from inside

If I had to sum up one aspect of the park, it’s that everything indoors was leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of the park (apart from my overpriced pizza for lunch which was overdone and cardboardy). The log flume, the walkthrough and Revolution were my highlights of the day.

This is actually outside, but a photo of this needs to be here

Belgian Flip Flop: Huge but felt kind of weak. Or maybe I’ve just gone off these. Who knows.

Flipp Floeppe

Rio (Rapids): Solid as rapids go. They even nicked the whirlpool section from River Quest. More intriguing was the disused contraption near the station consisting of a ferris wheel lift followed by a straight drop. Has this ever been used?

And finally…

Who needs creative mascots when you have emoji (Naga Bay in the background)

Naga Bay: Maurer spinners are usually fun, and this is no exception, but it’s in the lower ranks. A little lethargic and not as insane as they should be.

As a park to be in, Bobbejaanland is about average. I don’t feel like it’s quite the “hole” that everybody has told me it is, but it’s severely let down by Flamingoland syndrome: lots of rides but nothing of particular quality. Operations, likewise, felt a little lacking, but there weren’t a huge number of people in the park, being a weekday. I got everything done, and left around 3pm to make my way over to Vienna.

A short hop over to Brussels in a rather nice double-decker. Then to Cologne, via Germany’s high speed ICE service. If you want my answer to “favourite train,” because I know that’s what you’re all secretly reading this for, it’s this beauty:

Real trains have curves

It’s high speed, it’s got a restaurant car, very comfortable seats and compartments. Also, the driver’s cab wall is made of glass in the new versions, so you get to sit at the front for a driver’s view.

Plus an in-train magazine with my FAVOURITE CRED

Liege Station is all modern and shiny

Cologne doesn’t mess around. Walk out the station, and BAM…

BIG CATHEDRAL

Two objectives to complete while waiting for my night train:

  1. Find a supermarket and buy some Kellogg’s cereal for Merlin vouchers
  2. Breakneck sightseeing tour

A box of Choco Crispies was acquired from a local Rewe, and it turns out that having a box of cereal was nice whenever I was feeling stingy on the ho(s)tel breakfast front.

So… first night train. I didn’t know exactly what to expect, but it was certainly an experience. I’m about to make it sound awful, but it’s a fun adventure and I’d do it again.

  • 8.00 pm - I arrive at the platform. Fifteen minutes pass departure and it’s still not here. Others on the platform start to look antsy.
  • 8.30 pm - Train rolls in. I find my compartment and meet my roomies. I’ve got a politics student and a German mother/daughter going on holiday in Vienna with me.
  • 9.00 pm - The train slowly rolls into Bonn. We wait for departure yet the train stays put. An alarm sounds for a bit, but people continue sitting tight. - Holiday mum paces up and down the corridor while the others chill in our compartment.
  • 10.00 pm - We’ve finally moved off and picked up the last person. The conductor working our carriage moves the seats into bed positions and delivers some - sheets.
  • 11.00 pm Trying to go to sleep on a train is surprisingly easy. The rocking motion is kind of therapeutic.
  • 3.00 am - I wake during the night and peer out of the window. We’re in Mannheim and have not moved for a while. Suddenly the train starts up and we trundle forward and stop, then backwards. Since half the train is going to Innsbruck, this requires a 3am game of musical carriages.
  • 7.30 am - Morning. We’re all waking up and realising that instead of being nearly in Vienna, we’ve only just left Germany. Holiday mum is incredibly - frustrated - “unfassbar,” she mutters. My plans don’t start until 2pm, so I sit quietly and wait for breakfast.

  • 8.30 am - A tray arrives with a couple of bread rolls, jam, butter and hot chocolate. My ticket is handed back with a note: “Delay 145 Minutes.”

  • 9.00 am - I attempt one of those whimsical “relaxed staring out of my moving hostel window” photos.

Don’t think there was enough scenery to pull it off

  • 9.30 am - We’ve had our regular seats reset and two people have left. Politics student and holiday mum start a conversation, while I desparately try to hang onto the bits of German I’ve learned. Suddenly it gets political. I hear the German word for “refugee,” and fingers start pointing. Holiday mum gets exasperated, “unF**KINGfassbar!” I stare awkwardly out of the window while holiday daughter plays on her phone.
  • 10.45 am - Finally, the trains trundles into Vienna Central. Holiday mum and politics student seem to leave on friendly terms and say “bye” to me. I take my stuff and go off to find Owain and Ian for the Vienna Live.

Next up, the patchwork quilt that is Wiener Prater.